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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
when the whiskey hits you
it all seems wrong. you're running away from the electric hate of nothing. i want your love. i want to hold you close in the dizzying stars of last week. you're a phantom, you're a whore, you're the greatest thing in the world. and me? i'm a car without music. i'm a dancer without rhythm. i'm panic encapsulated.
and you know it! you know it like the earth being round. and who cares? who wants that around them? it's tired men with wars still going. i'm a rake. i'm a fiendish apparition. i want. and this is for Jack and Dave. your story should be heard. you are heroes.
but people are such cowards.
it all seems wrong. you're running away from the electric hate of nothing. i want your love. i want to hold you close in the dizzying stars of last week. you're a phantom, you're a whore, you're the greatest thing in the world. and me? i'm a car without music. i'm a dancer without rhythm. i'm panic encapsulated.
and you know it! you know it like the earth being round. and who cares? who wants that around them? it's tired men with wars still going. i'm a rake. i'm a fiendish apparition. i want. and this is for Jack and Dave. your story should be heard. you are heroes.
but people are such cowards.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
monsters
backwardsromance: okay, so monsters...
backwardsromance: you feed them
tim: okay, so yeah
backwardsromance: and monsters eat, that's usually all they care about
tim: you give them somewhere to play around, then they dont hurt you
backwardsromance: eating and treasure
tim: they really just want to play though, thats usually misinterpreted
backwardsromance: well...
backwardsromance: they should eat the people who let themselves be eaten, i'm not one of those people
backwardsromance: i should be able to "slay the dragon"
tim: i think dragon slaying is overrated
tim: wouldnt you rather have a dragon to ride, or as a trusted ally
backwardsromance: ha!
backwardsromance: yes, you would
backwardsromance: but i rode The Dragon
tim: youve been "chasing the dragon?"
backwardsromance: the monster and i found our commonalities and became very close
backwardsromance: but having a pet monster does grow old
tim: now you want to kill it?
backwardsromance: no no no
backwardsromance: but i remember wondering if i could do it without the monster
tim: do what
backwardsromance: like a pet dragon, who was Evil, and i managed to control.... well maybe i got sick of riding him
backwardsromance: and maybe, and this will sound cheesy, wanted to see if i could fly and breathe fire and shit myself
tim: right, you can
tim: i think thats the whole point
tim: you dont "have" a dragon, you are
backwardsromance: no man, i'm no dragon
tim: youre a lot of things
backwardsromance: the dragon was an awesome thing i had going for me
backwardsromance: but when i hopped off all i became was a peasant with a stick
tim: well what are you now
backwardsromance: i think i'm the old bitch who gets water from the well
tim: good. water's important
backwardsromance: and complains the whole way down and the whole way back but at least i'm not thirsty
tim: its a well though, youre drawing stuff up from way down below the surface, stuff which is sustaining you
backwardsromance: and i feel like a chump cause everyone's drinking from the bucket i carried
tim: maybe they dont know how to find the well
tim: and shit, they definitely never rode any dragons
backwardsromance: anyone i show how to ride dragons will just take off and i'll be all depressed when i think about the time i rode dragons
tim: (have you ever read wizard of earthsea? you should)
tim: i think youre "misunderestimating" the importance of drawing water from the well
backwardsromance: and if i show them how to find the well, then i guess i'll feel more alone
backwardsromance: because no one will come around anymore to drink from my bucket
tim: maybe you should lower some message down with the bucket into the well, and see if you get a response
backwardsromance: shit, dude. i never thought of that!
backwardsromance: okay, so monsters...
backwardsromance: you feed them
tim: okay, so yeah
backwardsromance: and monsters eat, that's usually all they care about
tim: you give them somewhere to play around, then they dont hurt you
backwardsromance: eating and treasure
tim: they really just want to play though, thats usually misinterpreted
backwardsromance: well...
backwardsromance: they should eat the people who let themselves be eaten, i'm not one of those people
backwardsromance: i should be able to "slay the dragon"
tim: i think dragon slaying is overrated
tim: wouldnt you rather have a dragon to ride, or as a trusted ally
backwardsromance: ha!
backwardsromance: yes, you would
backwardsromance: but i rode The Dragon
tim: youve been "chasing the dragon?"
backwardsromance: the monster and i found our commonalities and became very close
backwardsromance: but having a pet monster does grow old
tim: now you want to kill it?
backwardsromance: no no no
backwardsromance: but i remember wondering if i could do it without the monster
tim: do what
backwardsromance: like a pet dragon, who was Evil, and i managed to control.... well maybe i got sick of riding him
backwardsromance: and maybe, and this will sound cheesy, wanted to see if i could fly and breathe fire and shit myself
tim: right, you can
tim: i think thats the whole point
tim: you dont "have" a dragon, you are
backwardsromance: no man, i'm no dragon
tim: youre a lot of things
backwardsromance: the dragon was an awesome thing i had going for me
backwardsromance: but when i hopped off all i became was a peasant with a stick
tim: well what are you now
backwardsromance: i think i'm the old bitch who gets water from the well
tim: good. water's important
backwardsromance: and complains the whole way down and the whole way back but at least i'm not thirsty
tim: its a well though, youre drawing stuff up from way down below the surface, stuff which is sustaining you
backwardsromance: and i feel like a chump cause everyone's drinking from the bucket i carried
tim: maybe they dont know how to find the well
tim: and shit, they definitely never rode any dragons
backwardsromance: anyone i show how to ride dragons will just take off and i'll be all depressed when i think about the time i rode dragons
tim: (have you ever read wizard of earthsea? you should)
tim: i think youre "misunderestimating" the importance of drawing water from the well
backwardsromance: and if i show them how to find the well, then i guess i'll feel more alone
backwardsromance: because no one will come around anymore to drink from my bucket
tim: maybe you should lower some message down with the bucket into the well, and see if you get a response
backwardsromance: shit, dude. i never thought of that!
trust is hard
... Maybe the hardest of all things. And I think the total lack of it has almost entirely to do with your past.
The hardest thing for me in the past decade or so has been trusting women. Because even the guy friends I've had have been secretly horrible or deceptive to me, with the exception of very few. There's a quote I either made up or heard somewhere : "all friendships begin with even the smallest betrayals." And, because of how true I think that is, I desperately wish I could take credit for it. Maybe someone will leave me a comment saying how it was Orwell or Hemingway or Fitzgerald or some other classic American author, but I'm holding onto hope...
Why do I think that's true? Because you don't get deep into someone without the catalyst of a miscommunication. Otherwise, it's not very exciting now is it? You go through the motions of forming whatever kind of relationship, but all it takes is the tiniest bit of foul to make a funny story or how you got to REALLY know those people.
And I don't think you can REALLY know the depths of someone until you see them either at their worst or slightly bad, because that's not really them. The truth of the matter is that people are mostly clueless, often misinformed, incredibly suspicious, and dangerously irresponsible about the most important of things. Like drunk driving, condoms, or watching VH1. Until you see that person fall apart, you're really just falling in love with, or getting to know, a fantasy.
So here's to destruction, chaos, and the inevitable screw-ups that cause the most amazing people to come into your life.
... Maybe the hardest of all things. And I think the total lack of it has almost entirely to do with your past.
The hardest thing for me in the past decade or so has been trusting women. Because even the guy friends I've had have been secretly horrible or deceptive to me, with the exception of very few. There's a quote I either made up or heard somewhere : "all friendships begin with even the smallest betrayals." And, because of how true I think that is, I desperately wish I could take credit for it. Maybe someone will leave me a comment saying how it was Orwell or Hemingway or Fitzgerald or some other classic American author, but I'm holding onto hope...
Why do I think that's true? Because you don't get deep into someone without the catalyst of a miscommunication. Otherwise, it's not very exciting now is it? You go through the motions of forming whatever kind of relationship, but all it takes is the tiniest bit of foul to make a funny story or how you got to REALLY know those people.
And I don't think you can REALLY know the depths of someone until you see them either at their worst or slightly bad, because that's not really them. The truth of the matter is that people are mostly clueless, often misinformed, incredibly suspicious, and dangerously irresponsible about the most important of things. Like drunk driving, condoms, or watching VH1. Until you see that person fall apart, you're really just falling in love with, or getting to know, a fantasy.
So here's to destruction, chaos, and the inevitable screw-ups that cause the most amazing people to come into your life.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
album
permanent :joy division
literature
breakfast at tiffany's :truman capote
single
big casino :jimmy eat world
worthwhile
they're playing my songpop occulture
i kan't spell
dispositive
pitchfork media
oblivio
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