closing time

2004. I don't think I've ever felt more serious about my job, more concerned for my friends, and more exhausted from trying to piece together something that resembles a normal life.

A friend of mine remarked a few weeks ago, "Doug... I don't know when or how it happened, but you grew up." And while that may be partially true, I'm still the same flaky screw-up in a lot of ways.... but with more of a purpose.

Work is my life right now, I see almost none of the old friends I had before taking my job in April and I do feel really bad about that. I think most of them (you) understand that I have never been a very professional or committed person to anything for very long and I want to thank all of you for continuing to answer my phone calls and e-mails and IMs when I have the time for you.

I know that sounds like a dick thing to say, like the confession of a person who's not really important enough to say it - but it's the truth. I'm sorry.

2005 will be MY year. Things are coming to fruition, plans are in motion, birds are flying, Christians are praying, fingers are typing, tides are changing, the sun is setting, people are fucking, dogs are burying bones, babies are crying, children are dancing, spouses are kissing...

Life is being lived.
 

:doug @ 4:35 PM

shower people

there are people who i never talk to anymore, Shower People. so named because i almost never think about them unless in the shower.

it's not sexy, and it's not like i have some kind of wild, crazy and fast-paced life, but it's that i never really happen to think of them unless in the bathroom. maybe because hygeine is so rigidly repetitive that there's really nothing else to think about while the shampoo is in the hair, i don't know.

the scary thing is that my list of Shower People is always growing; job to job, house to house. none of them are any less valuable or important than those people i spend my life with now, there just isn't time in my day to call them up and do that friendship maintenance.

so i'll be washing my body and wonder "god, i haven't talked to ______ in like... forever!"

some Shower People :
mike
rebecca
henry
chris
sibel
jen
jenn
jennifer
jenny
katie
tim
graham
fred
andy
michelle
ji
gavin
traci
corey
paul
pat
steve
joe
charlene
mark
amber
alana
kelly
jessi
ed

and it keeps going and going and going...
 

:doug @ 1:08 AM

charlie brown

so the best ever analogy for the way i've been with women the past few years stems from something my older brother once said to me. "i'm sick of being a charlie brown for every lucy that walks into and out of my life."

and though he may not know it, i took that to heart, and even expounded on that idea, that all the time the truly worthwhile fellas have the footballs pulled out from in front of them as they're nearing the point where they kick it.

but who does lucy sweat?!?! schroeder, the artist! because he never gives her anything. he's so all about the piano and his music that nothing else will ever matter. maybe schultz understood this fact about women - they don't want you to give their trust, they want to see you be awesome and care for nothing else.

peanuts contains multitudes.
 

:doug @ 4:10 AM