the future

So the last few months I've been MIA, getting some things together, makings plans, being in love. It's my favorite subject, the love, these days. It is hard to resist the urge to tell you all(few) about it.

I remember being single, perpetually single. At five months I'm in the longest healthy relationship of my life, it's all a little strange to me. When I was single I vowed never to become one of "those people", one of the annoying mass of people who just talk about their s/o. Well, the best laid plans...

Though I do want to talk a little bit about what found me, the thing I was looking for so long. For the first time I find myself right where I want to be with someone. I never imagined a stress-free, problemless relationship, not at all. I was waiting for someone to be a team with, Team Awesome I began to call it in my head and somehow that name stuck.

My friend Tim hastily wrote this book of poems a few years back, flatteringly dedicating it to myself and another of our pals. Tim's moved around the country pursuing adventure and knowledge but several lines out of that book are mentally quoted by me every few days. One such :

"and it's so stupid to think you and someone else can do a big important thing before you're cool with yourself..."

Well, no. I'm not cool with myself, not entirely. While many of my like-aged peers were relationship hopping, I did spend a lot of time trying to get cool with myself. I'd watch people detonate and sabotage their relationships when at least half the time, it was their own damn faults. Now granted, you often make a bad call when it comes to dating, I certainly did. And I definitely wasn't sequestered in a monastary, I had my fun, but it always seemed stupid to me that friends and accquiantences were trying people on like clothes. Or even worse looking for someone to fix them.

Now my woman has not "fixed" me, she's done what Jack Nicholson said in that very forgettable movie, she's made me want to be a better man. That's really what it's all about, not the hokey-pokey, that's what love is supposed to be.... you know,... Inspiring. Makes you move in all directions at once, makes you... makes you.... Reach.

I when I reach for the better things I know we deserve together, I can feel it in my fingers, my toes, my eyeballs, my ears. It's what I see in her, the title of this post. 

:doug @ 12:38 AM