there's white paint spattered on the sidewalk

The night's water is blue. People have asses like wet pillows, all of them. We've lost the electric in the church and run out of candles. Not one person has visit my friend's new apartment, despite her display of hour'dourves. Sleep is a prison of guilt. Nothing but whores in the streets, which are razorblades.

I am awake.

My tongue is coarse and remembers nothing. There are blankets where there should be humor. Cigarettes are burning dreams that make my teeth fall out. I am a juggernaut. Towers of compassion, row homes of ignorance. Early morning is the blackest blackness I've ever known.

I am asleep.

Business man love comes in slaps and horns. I've been kissing a green face for years. There is a priest in my shower, his face says whiskey and his hands say kill me. You are a chair I sit in. We are heroes who cry for a battle we can win. Forget my name when I am dead. 

:doug @ 11:31 PM

rogue's gallery

I know a...

lecher
anger management case
lush (lots)
psychopath
sociopath
nut-job
manic depressive
manipulator
crybaby
musician (all of the above)
nerd
geek
dork
phony
priss
living joke
holier than thou type
artist
freak
scientist
doctor
lost cause
wuss
sport
fool
liar

... and these are the people I call friends. I guess cause I've been almost all of these things at some point. 

:doug @ 9:59 PM

a mess

... is what I am. It has become painfully clear to me how behind I am on growing up. That parts of my life are stiched together in such a flimsy way, tooth-and-nail, held fast by the power of duct tape.

I don't have a bank account, or a driver's license, or health insurance. I live off cold hard cash and moving from place to place at 4am. All this, despite the new power I have here beside me, backing me up. It's truly disgraceful, and though I don't mean it, I am showing a disrespect to that beautiful force of goodness that has entered my life. I need it to stay. I have to work harder to earn it, to be deserving of this gift, this amazing and perfect gift of love.

So I'm getting on the ball, I promise. I have to make plans and see them through. Goals must be designed, pursued and reached. We can start small, we can build momentum off of minor achievements.

If not just for myself, than for her. 

:doug @ 8:26 PM