angst

In researching for another blog post (more of an article really) that I'll be posting soon, I came across this :

"A different but related meaning is attributed to Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1813–1855). Kierkegaard used the word angst (Danish, meaning "dread") to describe a profound and deep-seated spiritual condition of insecurity and despair in the free human being. Where the animal is a slave to its God-given instincts but always confident in its own actions, Kierkegaard believed that the freedom given to mankind leaves the human in a constant fear of failing its responsibilities to God."

Now I was well aware of his contributions to 20th century existentialism, but somehow in reading that last passage something occured to me - For the growing number of atheists in this country, this world even, who are we afraid of failing?

A long time ago I decided that in most cases the word God can easily be supplanted with Love. That, as cheesey as it sounds, God and Love should be, or are one and the same. Hallmark material, right?

Chances are that whenever I've screwed up or failed or hurt someone, I've almost always known what or why I did. I would like to think I am aware, that I am observant of the feelings of others, I think I am a good friend to have. As good as I am at that, I think I thoroughly suck at amending my short-comings and mis-steps.

Some part of me believes that simply acknowledging my mistakes should be taken into account. I am not blinded by pride, I never stay angry for long, I want things to be okay between myself and everyone in my life. That doesn't feel like the fear that Great Dane described, it passes as soon as she looks at me that certain way. 

:doug @ 10:48 PM

time to seek professional help

HAM, BLACK FOREST 5.29 F
HAM, BLACK FOREST 5.29 F
TURKEY BRST, SMOK 5.99 F
ROAST BEEF 6.49 F
SWISS, PPK 8 OZ UP 4.49 F
BAKER HONEY WHOLE 3.69 F

BAL 31.24

Somebody's got a thirty-dollar-a-week sammich habit. 

:doug @ 11:52 PM